Can you please critique my essay for admission into an Art School

I have to write a 150 word essay why I should be admitted to the program of my choice and also to include how do I expect the school's education to help attain my career goals.

Here is what I came up with:

Graphic design has developed into an art that can be seen everywhere, from magazines to billboards. The graphic design field is very competitive and to learn the skills needed to compete. I would like to be admitted into Miami International University of Art and Design. I have been interested in this field since high school where I took classes in digital design and I also attended a tech school for graphic design where I worked with different community organizations such as the Orange County Medical Foundation, the Association for Healthcare Documentation Integrity and Orange County Public Schools to help design logos, letter heads and building banners. The knowledge gained from working with these real world clients have made me grow not only in my artistic and technological abilities but also intellectually. I expect that through attending Miami International University of Art and Design my knowledge, creativity and my own unique ability will continue to grow in the technical experiences and working with the other students which would not only help me become a better artist but also build a solid foundation to start my Graphic Design career.

Thanks for any help or advice.

Good morning.

Here are my suggestions:

"Graphic design has developed into an art that can be seen everywhere (Remove comma) from magazines to billboards. The graphic design field is very competitive and to learn the skills needed to compete (What to learn the skills? This is not a complete sentence). I would like to be admitted into Miami International University of Art and Design (This is a little superfluous; of course you do; this is their application. Remove this statement.). I have been interested in this field since high school, where I took classes in digital design and I also attended a tech school for graphic design where I worked with different community organizations such as the Orange County Medical Foundation, the Association for Healthcare Documentation Integrity, and Orange County Public Schools to help design logos, letter heads, and building banners. The knowledge gained from working with these real world clients has made me grow not only in my artistic and technological abilities but also intellectually. (How?) I expect that through attending Miami International University of Art and Design my knowledge, creativity, and unique ability will continue to grow because of the technical experiences and as the result of working with other students. This will not only help me become a better artist but also build a solid foundation to start my graphic design career. "

Watch your inappropriate/incorrect use of commas as well as random capitalization. Since you have to explain how the school will help you attain your goals you should probably say something about those goals in this essay. What are you going to do with your degree once you have it? Your inclusion of a brief symopsis of your experience is good. Needs a little work, but once it's ready this will be a great short essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Your help is greatly appreciated, I know I was missing something but I just couldn't find it

I will repost the new essay with the corrections

Thanks

Sounds great! I look forward to it.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

I have been working on the essay this past week and I still don't know where to describe what I am going to do once I have the degree. Should I make it brief or really go into detail on my career expectations?

Thanks again

Good afternoon.

I believe that the more of a detailed plan you can provide to the review board the better. That way they can see that you are serious about what you want to do with the degree; this tells them that it will not be wasted. Depending on word count restrictions, I always believe that a decent amount of details about your plans is a good thing.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

thanks again Gloria

They wanted at least 150 words and I am already at 160.

Here is what I came up with so far, it still sounds like I am missing something but I don't know what

Graphic design has developed into an art that can be seen everywhere from magazines to billboards. I have been interested in this field since high school where I took classes in digital design and I also attended a tech school for graphic design where I worked with different community organizations to help design logos, letter heads and building banners. The knowledge gained working with these real world clients has made me grow not only in my artistic and technological abilities but also intellectually. I expect that through attending Miami International University of Art and Design my knowledge, creativity, and unique ability will continue to grow because of technical experiences gained and from working with other students. This will not only help me become a better artist but also to build a solid foundation to start my graphic design career and owning a business.

Thanks for the help

Good afternoon.

Let's see:

"Graphic design has developed into an art that can be seen everywhere from magazines to billboards. I have been interested in this field since high school where I took classes in digital design and I also attended a tech school for graphic design where I worked with different community organizations to help design logos, letter heads, and building banners. The knowledge gained working with these real world clients has made me grow not only in my artistic and technological abilities but also intellectually. I expect that through attending Miami International University of Art and Design my knowledge, creativity, and unique ability will continue to grow because of technical experiences gained and from working with other students. Is there one class or content area that this school provides that you are particularly interested in or excited about? This will not only help me become a better artist but also to build a solid foundation to start my graphic design career and owning a business."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank-you again

I submitted my application today

Is there anyway this thread can be erased?

You're welcome, and good luck!

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Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com