Essay about what I want to apply for (University of Central Florida)

Here is my essay about why i want to apply. Feel free to delete add or change anything you want or need to. and i dont know if the sga paragraph is to much tell me what you think. i think this one needs a bit of work, thanks!


The University of Central Florida is recognized for its outstanding educational system and many programs that are ranked highly across the nation. This is a school that is always expanding and trying to become more advanced for its students. Knowing that the staff cares about its students, exemplified through their persistent and constant upscaling of the school, highly influenced my decision of applying your school.
I chose to apply to the University of Central Florida because I believe that it is more then just a school I'm applying for; UCF will become my home for the next 4 years and the diverse culture and comforting atmosphere of your school is something I would be proud to associate myself with.
While going on college tours throughout high school, UCF has been the one school that drew me in the most. I have said since freshman year that one of my biggest dreams is to be able to call myself a Golden Knight and proudly wear Black and Gold. This university offers me many different opportunities and resources that other schools could not offer. Located in such a popular city, UCF is able to offer me and other students the experiences and job opportunities necessary to help us become successful. Your school is partnered with some of the biggest corporations and companies throughout the Orlando area which increases chances of job opportunities for all students.
Throughout high school I was vigorously involved and committed to SGA in order to help my school become more active and school spirited; I would love to bring my drive and hard work to your school's SGA.
If I had the chance to attend UCF it would be a wonderful learning experience. Your school offers me all the challenges and opportunities that colleges are supposed to. UCF is my first choice school and I hope that I am able to attend your school next year!

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"The University of Central Florida is recognized for its outstanding educational system and many programs that are ranked highly across the nation. This is a school that is always expanding and trying to become more advanced for its students. Knowing that the staff cares about its students, exemplified through their persistent and constant upscaling of the school, highly influenced my decision of applying your school.
I chose to apply to the University of Central Florida because I believe that it is more than just a school I'm applying for; UCF will become my home for the next four years and the diverse culture and comforting atmosphere of your school is something I would be proud to associate myself with.
While going on college tours throughout high school, UCF has always been my favorite. I have said since freshman year that one of my biggest dreams was to be able to call myself a Golden Knight and proudly wear black and gold. This university offers me many different opportunities and resources that other schools could not offer. Located in such a popular city, UCF is able to offer me and other students the experiences and job opportunities necessary to help us become successful. Your school is partnered with some of the biggest corporations and companies throughout the Orlando area which increases chances of job opportunities for all students.
Throughout high school I was vigorously involved and committed to SGA in order to help my school become more active and school-spirited; I would love to bring my drive and hard work to your school's SGA.
If I had the chance to attend UCF it would be a wonderful learning experience. Your school offers me all the challenges and opportunities that colleges are supposed to. (Such as?) UCF is my first choice school and I hope that I am able to attend your school next year."

It would be good to mention what program you are interested in enrolling in, what career path you would like to embark upon, and why this school will best fit those needs. Other than that, just a few corrections. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
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