Past and future goals and decisions - HELP TO KNOW IF MY ESSAY IS CORRECT!

IM A ADULT RETURNING TO COLLEGE I NEED TO WRITE A ESSAY 3OO WORD OR LESS WHY I WANT TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE HOW MY PAST AND FUTURE GOAL AFFECT MY DECISION. THIS IS WHAT I WROTE



For the last ten year of my life i have dedicate my time to help others. i always go out of my way to make sure my family and friend succeed at what they wanted to accomplish, as time has passed i have realize that i have put my goals of going back to school aside.I did not finish school when i had a opportunitie to do it.i made a choice of going to work to help my family because of neccesaties.I started working at a Dunkin Donuts,from there i have been working in office cleaning.When i was working i use to feel ashamed when other people use to tell me for a young women you should not be doing this kind of job,but i kept my head up cause i knew one day i will have the opportunitie.
throughtout all my accomplishment and dissapointment in life,i have found out for myself that there will always be obstacle that will come in the way and i have to be able to fight these obstacle to reach my goal of going to college. I have two son which i am so proud of, my young one has austism and this had motivated me to work harder for them, I want them to be proud of me and let them know how important it is for them to have an education because if i dont have it what kind of influece it will be for them and i don't want that for them to struggle because they did not finish school. I want to be able to help them as they grow.i feel by getting my diploma i will show my sons and other its never to late to finish school and with hard work and perseverance and you set a goal for yourself everything can be achieved it all depend on me.

Good evening.

Congratulations on returning to school. Here are my suggestions for your essay:

"For the last ten years of my life I have dedicate my time to helping others. I always go out of my way to make sure my family and friends succeed at what they want to accomplish, as time has passed I have realized that I have put my goals of going back to school aside. I did not finish school when I had a opportunity to do it. I made the choice of going to work to help my family out of necessity. I started working at a Dunkin Donuts and from there I have been working cleaning offices.When I was working I used to feel ashamed when other people would tell me, "For a young women you should not be doing this kind of job," but I kept my head up because I knew one day I would have the opportunity. To do what?
Throughtout all my accomplishmentments and dissapointments in my life, I have found out for myself that there will always be obstacles that will arise and I have to be able to fight these obstacle to reach my goal of going to college. I have two sons which I am so proud of. My young one has austism and this motivated me to work harder for them. I want them to be proud of me and to let them know how important it is for them to have an education because if I do not have it what kind of influece I will be for them? I do not want that for them, to struggle because they did not finish school. I want to be able to help them as they grow. I feel by getting my diploma I will show my sons and others it is never to late to finish school and to work hard and to perservere, you set a goal for yourself and everything can be achieved; it all depends on me."

Your content is good, but your mechanics need a little work. Remember that whenever you are referring to yourself the "I" is always capitalized, whether it is at the beginning of a sentence or not. Also just check your spelling and make sure you do not use casual contractions such as "can't" and "won't" in academic writing; always use the full word (i.e. "cannot," "would not"). Keep up all of your hard work and you will be very successful in school.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP I WILL LET YOU KNOW IF I GET ACCEPTED YOU WERE A GREAT HELP

You are very welcome. Definately let me know if you get in!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com