"The Best Thing I Learned this Year "(Max. 150 words)

" The judges will be looking for an entry that describes what is so special about being a Cambridge Student. Why not write about your favourite subject, an extra-curricular activity, or how you think your studies will help your future career?"

The essay-

I was expected to feel like 'a fish out of water', but they were unaware of my 'amphibious' nature.
Leaving a traditional Indian school at the most crucial point of a student's life and joining an international school was beyond people's rarest imagination, but I dared to 'go against the tide'.

It was always believed that an academically competitive and stressful environment was the best way to recognize a student's greatest potential.
They were ignorant that after all 'healthy competition' is an oxymoron.

This fact was realized when a 'hopeless slacker' like me, who felt like a cog in a gigantic orthodox school ,that too run in the most autocratic way, was nurtured into a 'good student' and was made to believe in herself, in a school which was small but supportive and caring and which believed in 'failure being the pillar of success'.

I learned that I am special.

(150 words)


Please make necessary corrections.

Good morning :)

Here are my suggestions:

"I expected to feel like "a fish out of water", but they who is "they"? were unaware of my "amphibious" nature.
Leaving a traditional Indian school at the most crucial point of a student's life and joining an international school was beyond people's rarest imagination, but I dared to "go against the tide".

It was always believed that by who? an academically competitive and stressful environment was the best way to recognize a student's greatest potential.
They were ignorant that after all ; "healthy competition" is an oxymoron.

This fact was realized when a "hopeless slacker" like me, who felt like a cog in a gigantic orthodox school, that run in the most autocratic way, was nurtured into a "good student" and was made to believe in herself, in a school which was small but supportive and caring and which believed in "failure being the pillar of success".

I learned that I am special."

You have a good essay here, but your use of cliches and quoted remarks is excessive. We usually only place words in quotes like this if we are using sarcasm or are using the enclosed word in a manner it is not usually used in. For instance, if I am referring to a "good" day, I am being sarcastic because in truth my car broke down and my dog ran away. On the other hand, if I had a good day it is one where I got to work early and got a raise. You use so many of these in the first couple of your sentences here that they are distracting. If you are using sarcasm, that is fine; if you are not, either remove the quotation marks as they are unnecessary, or reword those sentences.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com