I need to cut my admission essay to 300 words :(

hi my name is Luis and I'm trying to get into FSC and part of the admission include a e 300 word essay. english is no my mother language, so i dont know how many mistakes i had and i need to cut it. thanks


I have many goals in my professional career. My main goal is to be a manufacturing engineer with a six sigma black belt. I believe that I have the skills and experience to achieve this, but I believe that experience and skills are nothing without motivation and passion.
I been in manufacturing since I was a child I grew up in Peru, and from an early age I had a natural curiosity about how thinks are made. My family's financial situation brought me to get my first job in manufacturing. I used to work in an aftermarket automotive factory, I loved to see parts being produced from raw materials to finished goods. Since then being a manufacturing engineer has been my goal, an impossible dream due to my family economy and the separation of classes that make college education something exclusive. I realize I cannot set my goals and dreams on the basis of others ,that I need to achieve things for myself. And when you want something hard enough there is no limit that can stop you, so I decided not to give up my dream and to climb the ladder the hard way. I learned all kind of processes and techniques, hoping to become an "engineer" by teaching myself while earning money to pay for high school. I could have dropped out school and worked more hours instead, but my mother used to teach us that education is the only thing that can make a difference in your life, the only thing you can't lose, and that nobody can steal from you. This was an important mantra coming from somebody that never had gone to school.
I believe that my past gave me the experience and skills to succeed in my professional career and all the other dimensions of my life. After my 2 years of military service, I went back to my manufacturing career with even more motivation and the discipline that only the army can give you. I enrolled a technical school to earn an associate's degree in manufacturing.
I worked as an engineer for five years at a metal injection factory for over 5 years until I immigrated to this country, and have spent the last four years learning the language, the culture and the manufacturing business while trying to keep focused on my goals, working hard and trying to learn more. I now face the education barrier, and in order to do more complex operations and duties I need a degree. After doing research looking for the school that fit my needs I decided that FSC is the institution with the right program and the opportunity I need. I believe that a degree from FSC will make my dream come true because hard work, perseverance and a dream with right tools and education can be a guarantee for a successful career.

oh the subject is


what experience and skill do you posses to succeed on your professional career and how can fsc help you achieve it?

Greetings!

I always think it's fun to take an essay and cut it down to a specific word requirement--as long as it's someone else's essay! It's very hard to "murder your children" as one writer put it, referring to cutting out the words one has so carefully crafted. So, I took the pain out of it and did it for you! :-)) It is now 298 words:

My primary career goal is to be a manufacturing engineer with a six sigma black belt. I believe I have the skills and experience to achieve this, but experience and skills are nothing without motivation and passion.

I have been in manufacturing since I was a child growing up in Peru. From an early age I had a natural curiosity about how things are made. I worked in an aftermarket automotive factory; I loved to see parts being produced from raw materials to finished goods. My goal to be a manufacturing engineer seemed an impossible dream due to my family's economic situation, but when you want something enough, there are no limits, so I taught myself processes and techniques while earning money to pay for high school. I could have dropped out and worked more hours, but my mother, who did not have the opportunity to go to school, taught us that education is the only thing that nobody can steal from you.

After two years of military service, I returned to my manufacturing career with even more motivation and army-instilled discipline. I enrolled in a technical school to earn an associate's degree in manufacturing. I worked as an engineer at a metal injection factory for over 5 years until I immigrated to this country, and have spent the last four years learning the language, the culture and the manufacturing business while focusing on my goals. I now face the education barrier, and in order to succeed, I need a degree. After some research, I decided that the school with the program that fits my needs is FSC. A degree from FSC will make my dream come true because hard work, perseverance and a dream with the right tools and education is a guarantee for a successful career.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

thanks!!!

it looks great, English writing is very hard when you are a non-English speaking immigrant, i really appreciate your help, i will love to give something back to this forum.
many thanks again Sarah.

luis

You're very welcome! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com