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Essay Forum / Undergraduate Admission Essays /

Any personal accomplishments that have given satisfaction

xdarkr0se
Member
Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 22, 08
Ref.#: 5659

       Mar 25, 08, 03:00am ¦ #1

Hi,
Can you give me some feedback?
Please & thank you.

- - - - -
The most recent personal accomplishment that has gave me considerable satisfaction is being able to skateboard. I always admire those people being able to skate. They all seem so dedicated to what they do even though, if they fail at landing a trick they keep on trying. Some days after school I would watch some of my friends skate. I told my friend Marcos, I have always wanted to learn how to skate since the 7th grade. He told me to go buy a skateboard and then he would teach me how to skateboard. The following week I got a skateboard, and slowly began to learn how to skate. At first I couldn't keep balance, and tend to fall down a lot. As soon as I got my balance down Marcos, taught me how to ride the skateboard step by step then, I finally got it down. Even though, I can't do any tricks with my skateboard, but if I keep on trying I know I'll do some eventually. Through all the scrapes and bruises I got learning how to skate it was worth it because it was something I been wanting to do for a while, and it brought me and my friends close to one another.


EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06
Ref.#: 5671

   Edited by: EF_Team2     Mar 26, 08, 12:11am ¦ #2

Greetings!

You've written a nice little essay! I'm happy to give you some feedback.

The most recent personal accomplishment that has given me considerable satisfaction is being able to skateboard. I always admire those people who are able to skate. They all seem so dedicated to what they do; even if they fail at landing a trick they keep on trying.

At first I couldn't keep my balance, and tended to fall down a lot.

As soon as I got my balance, Marcos taught me how to ride the skateboard step by step, and I finally got it down.

Even though I can't do any tricks with my skateboard, if I keep on trying I know I'll learn some, eventually. All the scrapes and bruises I got while learning how to skate were worth it because it was something I had been wanting to do for a while, and it brought me and my friends closer to one another.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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