Evaluate a significat experience - undergraduate essay

Hello, I want to apply on HWS and the deadline is 01/february.however, i haven't finished my essay yet.can you help me by giving me some advice about how should i make my essay clear?

Here's what I have in mind
When I was in the 9th grade, i participated in a Mister contest, and i would like to write something about that day.about how it showed me how it is to be on stage and how wonderful a moment in the spotlight can be

after that moment, i took up theatre and during 3 years of work i got from a simple novice school actor to a fearless one that even played the lead character on a national stage
during high school i presented and organised that Mister contest 2 years in a row and i got experience on stage.Moreover I was invited to be te presenter of a State Mister contest, and to be the host for 2 debates (1 statal in the presence of the Major and 1 national in the presence of the minister of education).I also have a place in Student's Government (Statal)

What I actually want to emphasize is about how I hard I've been working to improve my acting and about how I've been trying to improve my ability to handle pressure.

can you tell me whether is a good essay idea and give me some ideas like some phrases to link these things and what i should emphasize?

P.s. Everything started from my first appearance on stage

Here are the first few lines
"03 November 2004.I can still feel my legs trembeling because of the emotions i used to have at the prom.I was to parade in front of the hundreds of people and show them that I deserved to become Mister Carabella 2004.After 30 seconds of boiled adrenaline, i started to adapt de situation.The blinding flashes did not seem to bother me anymore.When I entered the stage for the 2nd round, I realized how overwhelming was the feel of being in the spotlight.I suddenly realised that that was the life i wanted to get

Furthermore...."
Here starts the story

Thank you!

Here are some more lines

03 November 2004.I can still feel my legs trembeling because of the emotions i used to have at the prom.I was to parade in front of the hundreds of people that were there, and show them that I deserved becoming Mister Carabella 2004.After 30 seconds of boiled adrenaline, i started adapting de situation.The blinding flashes did not seem to bother me anymore.When I entered the stage for the 2nd round, I realized how overwhelming was the feel of being in the spotlight.I suddenly realised that that was the life i wanted to follow.
Furthermore, in order to get on stage again,the year after I enrolled at the same Mister contest, where unfortunatelly I have only placed third the year before, but this time as one of the organizers. After that I was elected to be the presenter.When I was on the stage again I had that feeling as if i was on the right way to the top.After i had shown great interest,passion and skill in what I did, I was invited to present it the year after too.There was nothing to stop me from ascension.
Moreover, in the 10th grade, I met mr.David, a theatre director, who liked me from the first glimpse and asked me if i wanted to join his theatre team, a shot that I took advantage of.Then, was the moment when my heavy artilley started to develop.During the years, I developed my free speaking, the power to bear in my mind long monologues, the ability to order lines and actions logical ways, retoric,and the most important,I have learnt how to control my emotions, how to get rid of unconfortable feelings while on stage, I have learnt how to psychologicaly overcome and solve problems simplier in the day by day life.
As a proof of my perseverence stand the numerous plays I have played in, plays in which my roles varied chronologicaly from episodical up to lead roles.However, my most important role was the lead role in "Wings of snow", the role of a man whose beloved dies, a play that was directed for charity and took place on the stage of the National Theatre Toni Bulandra in Targoviste
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And in the end I would like to finish like this:
"i didn't overcome a simple fear of stage.it's about something more than that.i made a psychological step.I understood what it takes for success, that it takes good, dilligent preparation, that it takes courage and responsability, and that the success is beatiful, and that one moment in the sun is great and i want to make it last through promising education, career, life..."

Greetings!

I think you have the basis for a very good essay! You'll want to be sure to proofread it carefully and run it through a spell-checker before you submit it. Here are a few editing suggestions:

Furthermore, in order to get on stage again, I enrolled in the same Mister contest the following year. [delete "where unfortunatelly I have only placed third the year before,"; this is confusing. If you are talking about what happened in the first contest, put this information about the first contest above when you were discussing that] but this time as one of the organizers.

the ability to order lines and actions in logical ways,

I have learnt how to psychologicaly overcome and solve problems in day-to-day life.

Best of luck in your sturdies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com