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Evaluate a significant experience or achievement - undergraduate essay

shan00ts
Member
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 8, 07


       Dec 9, 07, 11:58am ¦ #1

thank you very very much! if you wouldn't mind, i have another essay for the rest of my colleges.. if you could just read over that one and let me know what i need to improve upon, that would be very much appreciated!!! =)




"Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you."

It was June 8, 2007 when I got to go behind the scenes on the set of "The Early Show." It is CBS's two-hour morning broadcast that is directed by Michael Mancini, a resident in my town. At my school, I am and have been enrolled in a class called Television Production where we learn how the aesthetics of television and actually get to put together our own shows for our TV Club's morning announcements. I am extremely involved in this class and over the past three years have developed a passion for television directing. Being at CBS Studios put the icing on the cake. For me, it was a meaningful and worthwhile experience that I am never going to forget.
My class sat in the control room of the studio, right in the middle of all the action and excitement. I was seated right behind the director, so I really got a feel for what his job was like. Throughout the show, he had to coordinate with his talent, technical director, audio technician, everybody. He had a million things going on at once, yet he ran an extremely successful show. As I was watching the broadcast, I got chills just seeing how well the show went. I am the type of person who works well under pressure and watching Mr. Mancini direct the show made me confident that I could one day run a broadcast as well as he did. During one of the commercial breaks, he turned to me and jokingly asked me if I was ready to direct the rest of the show. Ever since that moment, I have had my heart set on becoming a television director. But if I can only obtain a job as a floor manager or a camera person, I would be more than satisfied. As I witnessed, their jobs are just as important as the directors.
Being at CBS Studios really helped me decide what kind of future I want to make for myself. From the moment I walked into the control room, I was awestruck at what I saw. For years now, I have been undecided with what I want to do with my life after high school. After that day though, I knew that there was no turning back, that this is the kind of industry I want to be a part of. I am slowly preparing myself everyday when I go to my Television Production class, and I have become confident that I can achieve my dream. Who knows, maybe one day I will find myself working at CBS Studios!


EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06


       Dec 9, 07, 05:59pm ¦ #2

Greetings!

Another fine essay! I have just a few suggestions for you:

At my school, I am and [delete "have been enrolled" - it's a little confusing] in a class called Television Production where we learn [delete "how"] the aesthetics of television and actually get to put together our own shows for our TV Club's morning announcements.

But if I can only obtain a job as a floor manager or a camera person, I would be more than satisfied. - I think this weakens the expression of your passion for directing; perhaps you could say something about how if you had to begin there, it would be a satisfying start to your burgeoning career as a director.

I am slowly preparing myself every day when I go to my Television Production class, and I have become confident that I can achieve my dream.

Great job, and best of luck to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


shan00ts
Member
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 8, 07


       Dec 9, 07, 10:11pm ¦ #3

thank you so much for all your help!! it is sooo very much appreciated!!


EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06


       Dec 11, 07, 12:00am ¦ #4

You're very welcome!

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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