What qualities make you proud? - Essay Improvement

Hi
Need help to improve another essay. Suggestions are greatly appreciated

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it realte to the person you are?


The individuals, the ones with gifts, are the ones that are exceptional and outstanding without even trying. Although not everyone is like them, there are individuals in the world who are not presented with such gifts. For me, I find that having no talent may not be such a bad thing. You may have to work hard to achieve something you desperately want but the goal makes it all worth it.

I have always had a habit of liking things I was never good at. I have a great passion for devouring books. It was from my love of books and reading that I came to love writing. I had a dream of someday of writing books. In high school we had to write more detailed and concise essays. The scores my essay received were not outstanding but higher than average. I knew from that moment that I was not exceptional at writing that I would have to work hard for what I wanted. I work my hardest to improve my essays and that in the long run will help me work hard to improve other skills that are not as excellent as they could be.

I was never the person who needed help. When I was young I was average at everything and never needed help. However once I older I realized that my writing skills weren't where I wanted them to be. I realized that that I could look at my mistakes and learn from them like I often did in math.

My determination is a skill that I am proud of because it takes determination and perseverance to achieve what you want to do most.

Greetings!

You've written a good essay. Here are some editing tips for you:

I have always had a habit of liking things I was never good at. - This is an intriguing sentence, and makes me want to know more about that. However, you then immediately switch to "I have a great passion for devouring books." which seems like an unconnected thought. If the two things are connected--if, indeed, the first sentence is connected to anything that follows in that paragraph--it is not readily apparent. See if you can tie it in a little better.

I knew from that moment that I was not exceptional at writing--that I would have to work hard for what I wanted. I work my hardest to improve my essays and that, in the long run, will help me work hard to improve other skills that are not as excellent as they could be.

However, once I was older, I realized that my writing skills weren't where I wanted them to be.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com