Help needed on Essay intro

Hi I'm doing an essay on a thousand splendid suns with feminist criticism and i just need help editing the intro because my teacher says I write a lot of awkward sentences.

thanks so much, and here it is:

(indent) The injustices of women have been present throughout time. Now, entering our time and age, the attitude towards women has drastically changed in our society. Presently, we can firmly justify that women are equal to men. Women play roles in our society that no other time period has ever allowed, though in most parts of the world the equality of women seizes to exist. In Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns (title underlined), situated in the fatherland of Afghanistan, Mariam, a naïve young girl is born into an unfavourable situation and lives a life of hardships. Living in an unjust society, with a corrupt government with no acknowledgement of the rights of women, and has been out-broken with jihad –war- Mariam travels through a journey from being a suppressed child and later harshly abused wife, to a strong woman with a sturdy head on her shoulders. In correlation with feminist criticism she liberates herself with the motivation of Laila, another Afghan woman in the novel who suffers in silence just as she did. Laila gives her the strength and inspiration to stand up for her freedom, dignity, and for the ones she loves.

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"(indent) The injustices delivered upon women have been present throughout time. Now, entering our time and age, the attitude towards women has drastically changed in our society. Presently, we can firmly justify that women are equal to men. Women play roles in our society that no other time period has ever allowed, though in most parts of the world the equality of women ceases to exist. In Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns (title underlined), situated in the fatherland of Afghanistan, Mariam, a naïve young girl, is born into an unfavourable situation and lives a life of hardship. Living in an unjust society with a corrupt government which does not acknowledge the rights of women and has been torn by jihad (war), Mariam travels on a journey. She begins as a suppressed child who later becomes an harshly abused wife, but grows into a strong woman with a sturdy head on her shoulders. In correlation with feminist criticism I'm unsure as to what you mean here; you are appying feminist criticism to the text, so perhaps you can rewrite this to something like, "The liberation Mariam goes through, although reliant on Laila, is paramount to feminine criticism. Although an abused woman like Mariam, Laila provides the strength and inspiration Mariam requires to stand up for her freedom; not just herself and those she loves, but for all Afghan women."

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thanks so much! This helped a lot!!

You are very welcome!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com