Paper on Queen Elizabeth (I have a thesis statement)

Okay, so I'm doing a paper on Queen Elizabeth I and I have a thesis statement...but it needs work. Im in the 8th grade, by the way. So here it goes...

" Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth l's childhood vassilated(sp?) from the life of a doted on heir, to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages. A stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual, she rose through the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of england's most succsessful and beloved ruler."

So..help please! I really think it needs something... and if you could suggest some sluglines that would be fantastic. :)

Good morning :)

You've got a good start here; how about this:

"Known for her endorsement of the arts, the childhood of Queen Elizabeth l vassilated (I believe the word you are searching for here is "vacillate", which means to hesitate; is that an appropriate description of her childhood? If her childhood was far from luxurious, you could say, "...Elizabeth I was cushioned with anything but the pompous surroundings one would expect from a pampered heir; instead it was closer to the dilapidation and neglect reserved for the bastard child of her father's new marriages.) A stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual, she rose through the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of England's most successful and beloved rulers."

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

how is this one

Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth I's childhood osillated from that of a doted on heir, to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages. A stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual, she rose throguh the ashes of her sister's reign, to sit on the throne as one of England's most successful and beloved rulers.

or

Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth I rose throguh the ashes of her sister's reign, to sit on the throne as one of England's most successful and beloved rulers. Despite a childhood that osillated from that of a doted on heir, to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages, she flourished into a stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual.

This one flows much nicer; I did remove some unnecessary commas:

"Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth I rose throguh the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of England's most successful and beloved rulers. Despite a childhood that osillated from that of a doted on heir to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages, she flourished into a stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual."

Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com