aznpoo
Member
Posts: 29
Joined: Feb 17, 07
Ref.#: 2496
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I love using these three to spice up my writing, but usually in essay this may confused some people. My teacher advises me to not use metaphor, keep it simplistic and clear. Of course I want my writing to be understandable, but I don't want it to be too "clear", I want it to be interesting rather than a dull essay filled with facts.
For example:
"Like an iceberg, Polonius showing only 1/8th of his character above the surface"
Teacher edit: "Polonius is a mischievous man"
teacher: Remove all metaphors, similies that could distract someone. To make this more understandable and clear.
Me: Truly I don't see any problem, I think that sentence is not confusing at all. (Maybe I'm stubborn). My teacher edits is definitly more clear...but too plain and not my writing style.
I'm not sure, but is my sentence in passive voice or active voice? My teacher edit is definitly active voice.
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EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06
Ref.#: 2517
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Greetings!
Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and do it your teacher's way. ;-) (And then go back to writing the way you like after the class ends.)
Your sentence "Like an iceberg, Polonius showing only 1/8th of his character above the surface" is in active voice; however, the verb is not complete. You would need to say "is showing" or "shows."
Judging writing can be fairly subjective, and reasonable minds may differ. Personally, for what it's worth, I think you are right and your teacher is wrong; but in order to make a decent grade in the course, you're going to have to do it the teacher's way (sigh).
Best of luck!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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