Cover letter to impress my employer

Dear Ms Sarah:

I am Shamalah from Malaysia. I've been out of school for ages. I have only completed 11 years of schooling and started working as a clerk in 1997. Due to my marital status( am separated now), I would like to go to Asutralia or New Zealand to join a good college and work at the same time. I would like you to help me with a good general cover letter or just a letter describing myself and my past working experiences and my current intention. I tried several times to draft something but it never turn out to be a good one. I would really appreciate if you could help me on this. Hope to hear something positive from you.

Thanks
Shamala

Greetings, Shamala!

I'd be happy to help you. The easiest way to do it, because I don't know much about you, would be for you to post your rough draft here, and let me help you edit it. If you still have one of the ones you wrote that you felt was not "a good one," I could help you to make it good! :-)

Don't be shy about posting it. We have students from all levels of learning, many for whom English is a foreign language, and all are welcome to post their essays. If you don't still have one of your rough drafts, I'd suggest you just write down all the relevant facts about yourself, as if you were just telling me in a conversation, and I will help you smooth it out and achieve the right tone for your purposes.

I look forward to learning more about you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Sarah:

Thanks for your speedy response. The current letter which I have is posted below the horizontal line to your attention. I want this to be more expressive as my current situation requires so. Let me tell you a little bit of my background and my intention of going abroad. I am 28 years old and currently working as an office manager with an education consultancy firm. I got married last year March and I am separated for about 7 months ago as things did not work out well between me and my husband. I have finished my secondary schooling in my home country, Malaysia which is equivalent to 'O' Level or 11 year of schooling. I enrolled myself for a Certificate in Information Systems course in a local college here in 1999 but had to discontinue it due to my family and financial problems.

I have great interest in reading and listening to music during my leisure time. My current intention to study and work at the same time in Australia is due to the peaceless mind I am having. I come from a conservative family and my parents feel that my world has come to an end due to my separation and I have nothing more left to live. Making decision on my own is not easy as at times they feel that I should listened to them and act according to them. All these is making my life tough and only leading to depression. So, I have decided to further my studies in Australia somehow and to support my living and studies there I need to get a decent job. Though I dont possess a great paper qualification, I do have 7-8 years of working experience and I have the willingness to learn new things. I am also preparing myself for IELTS exam which would help me in getting me enrol for the studies of my interest. I sincerely hope to get a good decent clerical kind of a job which would help me financially to pursue my studies and lead an average living in my preferred country.

With this, I hope you could have got a rough idea on the tone of the letter should be. I would like to hear from you as soon as possible.

Appreciate your help, Ms Sarah.
Shamala

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// removed - the letter was copied from another website //

Greetings!

It sounds like you are going through some rough times, but it also sounds as if you have the necessary tools to meet the current challenges and come out on top! Your letter is very good; I have just a few suggestions:

Dear Sir/Madam: [Try to learn the name of the HR/Personnel person to whom the letter should be addressed.]

I am sending my resume herewith to seek a job in your organization. - The best way to start, because whoever is reading it is no doubt very busy, is to immediately state what you want from that person, as specifically as possible. For example: "I am writing to express my interest in the _____position you advertised." Or, "Enclosed please find my resume, submitted for your consideration as an office manager with your company." I'd avoid words that sound like legalese, such as "herewith."

I have over seven years' experience in a company that distributed books to colleges and universities in Malaysia. For the past two years, I have been managing a company for a family member, helping him run an education consulting and training operation which provides services to colleges and universities. Overall, I have about nine years' experience in dealing with institutes of higher learning and in selling knowledge products.

I have worked in Administrative Services for the last eight years, beginning as an entry-level hire and progressing to Marketing Co-ordinator cum Supervisor for three years. During this career, I have learned to execute the duties of the position with the sort of efficiency and consistency that allows the professional staff to do their work smoothly and with optimum support. [You don't want to make it sound like you are invisible.]

I have accomplished this task through the simple habit of paying attention to the issues and areas that have historically created problems, then proactively working to prevent those problems in the future. [Very good!]

For a number of reasons, I am seeking a job outside of my home country. I would very much like to find a job similar to what I have experience in, so that I can bring my skills and expertise to a company which values professionalism and hard work [or dedication, etc.]

Kindly consider my application for a position in your esteemed company.

With thanks and regards,

When possible, make it as specific and personal to that company as you can. Nothing bores a prospective boss more than an obvious, blanket one-size-fits-all application letter.

Best of luck in your pursuits!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Dear Ms Sarah:

Thanks a bunch for the modified version. I would certainly feel more than happy if any of the employer impressed by my cover letter. The credit will go to you! Thanks again for your wishes.

Regards
Shamala

You're very welcome!